Obviously I am not perfect and I fail… a
lot… like a lot. But I fail so often that it is hard to think of a failure that
has been significant in my life. Luckily I was able to think of one. I
constantly fail to meet my father’s expectations.
First there was baseball. Then there was
karate. Then there was soccer. And lately it has been my grades. I will admit that I sucked at baseball, but
that wasn’t the part that annoyed me, at least I was having fun. What annoyed me
was that my dad, who is a great baseball player, expected me to be amazing when
he took me to play with other adults and I was the only kid. When I couldn’t
get on base or make a play he didn’t have to say anything, he just exuded
disappointment. Karate, it was fun for a year or two but after a while it just
got boring but I stayed for five years to please my dad. After I got my junior
black belt I stayed for another year and then decided that I was done. When I
told my dad that I no longer wanted to participate in karate, he was fine with
it but even to this day he continues to ask me when I’m going to join again.
Soccer… I won’t talk about that. We still
have fights because I did not become this amazing soccer player that he dreamed
of.
And then he started caring about my
grades. I am not sure why, he had never cared before, he barely knew what
classes I was taking. I have always gotten good grades but the past year and a
half my grades have not been high enough, even though they have pretty much
stayed the same. He also started caring about my work ethic at home, even
though he had never cared about my unorthodox way of achieving good grades. I
am constantly under pressure of getting my privileges taken away because my
grades aren’t high enough. The funny thing is I’m ranked 11th in my
class, but yet my grades aren’t good enough to get into a college according to
him.
As he started putting more and more pressure on me to meet these expectations I realized that it does not really matter if I meet his expectation or not. I can set my own goals, I don’t need my dad setting them for me. If he doesn’t think that my grades are good enough too bad for him, I’m happy with my grades and extremely confident that I will get into a good college. If he doesn’t like how I do my school work, it doesn’t matter because I still get it done.
While I have become more independent due
to this realization I cannot help wonder that maybe he is only setting his
expectations high in order to push me to my full potential.
I thought that the line "I fail so often that it is hard to think of a failure that has been significant in my life," was particularly. We fail constantly in our lives but by looking at it in a different lens as just another daily event, it won't be significant.
ReplyDeleteI felt that you showed the "failure" very effective as I could understand and, to a certain extent, relate with the examples you gave. In addition, I liked how the writing flowed very smoothly as you showed the progression of events.
That last paragraph was very thought provoking. Do you think that your dad isn't as concerned about you fulfilling his expectations as he is about you elevating your own expectations? Do you think that he is simply pushing you so that you'll motivate yourself to get into a good college and have a better future?
Thanks Kenrick, and I am not sure of what he is trying to do because he only started caring about my grades recently. I think his nonchalant behavior about my grades made me into the slacker/ procrastinator I am today but now I need to change these things to meet his expectations
DeleteI like your post, Louis. What kind of unorthodox methods are you using that are making your dad so mad?
DeleteI Procrastinate and don't hand in some of my work, and I don't study
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